PHIL ELKINS.COM - The Words

What Happens When You're High for the First Time

2009-02-04T22:27:00.002-05:00

Ah, I remember my first time...lucky kid:

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When Life Imitates Art

2009-02-04T16:31:00.002-05:00

So it turns out our friend Tracy Morgan, who plays the hilarious "Tracy Jordan" on NBC's "30 Rock" is a lot like his character. Check out this local TV interview:

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Google Makes You Smarter

2009-01-28T19:55:00.003-05:00

MSNBC.com recently reported on a brain scan research study that showed how our brain does what it does. Among the tidbits, I especially found these interesting:

* When a jazz musician is going off on an improvised jam session the areas of his brain handling self doubt almost cease to function, while the areas controlling creativity fire away.

* Searching the Internet works several more areas of the brain than does reading a book. Here's brain scan imagery to illustrate the point. On the left is your brain while reading a book, on the right is your brain's neural networks firing while interpreting Internet search results:

Check out the report at MSNBC.com.

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Zoom Zoom

2009-01-26T20:52:00.003-05:00

This is amazing. It's a wide-shot digital picture taken at the recent inauguration in Washington DC. But it's no ordinary shot...the image is put together from over 1,000 megapixels and gives you the ability to zoom in to a single person's face standing thousands of feet away. Give it a try:

http://www.gigapan.org/viewGigapan.php?id=15374&window_height=844&window_width=1665

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The Scream

2009-01-26T18:53:00.003-05:00

It's the most recognized screaming sound effect in cinema. You've heard it used in tons of movies, including all three original Star Wars, Titanic, and Reservoir Dogs.

It's called the "Wilhelm Scream" and was concocted by a sound designer named Ben Burtt in the 1950's. He's also the same guy that created Darth Vader's breathing, R2D2's voice, and the lightsaber sound effect. He was a busy guy!

And now, hear the Wilhelm scream in all of its glory. Again and again...

Many thanks to Mental Floss for the report.
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The State of the State of Things

2008-10-13T17:22:00.003-04:00

It's been quite a while since this blog has blogged but rest assured, everyone here at Philelkins.com is alive and well. Well almost everyone. Due to the recent economic crisis we too have had to watch talented writers and researchers walk out the door due to lack of funding.

However we are nothing if not resilient and will press on even with less time dedicated to such an award-winning online publication. (Note from our lawyers: Philelkins.com has not yet been named a winner of any official award.)

With that said, there's a lot of stuff going on these days isn't there?

* The economy has melted. Houses are worthless, companies and banks are failing, and stocks are shrinking. Otherwise the world financial markets are pretty healthy!

* Obama is up by 10 pts nationwide and leading in most of the key battleground states. I'm just sayin'. Governor Palin continues to amaze the world with her wit, intelligence, experience, and... oh come on, who are we kidding here, even top-level Republicans are scared of her getting power!

* The Washington Redskins are good. Seriously! If not for an unexpected upset at the hands of the Rams they'd be sitting at 5-1 and a half game out of 1st place in an extremely competitive division.

* It's HOCKEY SEASON! So for all two of you fans out there, rejoice!

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Tracking Britain

2008-08-04T22:28:00.003-04:00

Using satellite tracking technology a new BBC TV program shows off some pretty amazing footage of flights, taxi traffic, shipping traffic, and even telephone conversations over a 24-hour period.

The video teaser is short, and fascinating: BBC News
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ESPN Achieves Rare Moment of Creativity

2008-08-04T01:30:00.001-04:00

If you're a semi regular viewer of ESPN you may have noticed this guy, Steve, appearing lately in live commercials promoting an upcoming change in the worldwide leader's programming. Starting August 12th the morning additions of SportsCenter will no longer be repeated hour after hour and will instead be aired live until 3:00 in the afternoon. Clearly ESPN producers don't understand the honor that men everywhere have when they realize they've sat through two hour-long (and identical) episodes of SportsCenter. It's a sort of rite of passage and clear catalyst to a fight with your mom about how you "promise to start looking for a job tomorrow."

The story here, though, is the surprising success and creativity that ESPN is enjoying in this campaign. You see, camera crews follow this guy Steve, a young production coordinator from Pittsburgh, around all day as he works in Bristol, goes to the gym, or enjoys a game of bowling with his girlfriend. There are about 10-15 thirty second commercials each day and they're completely live. It's a fairly impressive undertaking and Steve is actually marginally entertaining.

Although I may just be a giant television production nerd. That's a very respectable conclusion to draw.

The realization I've come to is that ESPN's original ideas are only interesting when related to advertising. Their commercials have always been hands down some of the best comedic spots. As my fellow editor Jason has previously pointed out, ESPN loves to try idiotic segments such as "Who's Now?", "Title Town," and "50 States in 50 Days."

I say try this ESPN: Show me highlights, then run several hilarious ESPN commercials, then show me more highlights.

Feel free to slim down by removing such unfortunate things like: Stuart Scott, Stephen A. Smith, the Budweiser Hot Seat, the Coors Light 6 pack of Questions, most of your analysis, Stephen A. Smith, Arena Football highlights, Arena Football analysis, Arena Football.

Check out the new Steve ad campaign at "Steve is Live.com"

Man Babies, Part 2

2008-07-29T22:12:00.004-04:00

More fun with photography! It's Man Babies:

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Obama is a Jew

2008-07-28T21:37:00.003-04:00

(Why is Carl from "Family Matters" pictured to the left? Read on baby birds, Uncle Phil will feed you!)

I guess it's time to update that clever Adam Sandler holiday song! First everyone thought Obama was an evil terrorist Muslim, and now a recent study reveals that a whopping 1% of Americans believe he is Jewish.

Which makes me a little jealous because as far as I can tell no one EVER mistakes me for something other than what I actually am; extraordinarily handsome, devastatingly rich, and possessing the intelligence of a super mainframe computer.

Why can't I be mistaken for a Swedish hot dog vendor? Or perhaps a Canadian police officer...or even TV's Reginald Veljohnson?!

Life is so unfar.
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Headline Writers Are Very Clever

2008-07-28T11:14:00.004-04:00

You can find this story about the rising theft of pets and animals today on MSNBC.com. The headline is excruciating:

"Pet thefts rise as economy hits dog-gone low"

Round of applause for MSNBC contributor Kim Campbell Thornton who not only is a fantastically creative headline writer but also someone who requires the use of three names. She will either become British royalty or soon assassinate a President.

Story, headline and all, from MSNBC.
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Five Card Bud

2008-07-28T00:30:00.002-04:00

So a guy walks into a casino and decides to use his bag of marijuana as poker chips. Commence video watching!

Many thanks to Adam Littlefield for the link.
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Poo Parcels

2008-07-27T01:50:00.003-04:00

The website PooParcels.com asks "ever wanted to mail someone a piece of poo?"

And yes, it's real. Thanks to anonymous superstar Rob Jackson for the link.

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Women, Baseball, and Sex

2008-07-27T01:41:00.002-04:00

I love analogies don't you? One of the better analogies is the "I got to 2nd base with her last night!" But what can the women say? From a Charleston City Paper blog:

Men talk about sex in baseball terms- 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd. We have set ourselves up as the hitter and the woman up as the pitcher. And we want to have the highest possible batting average against a woman with the lowest possible ERA. Preferably in the middle of a no hitter. Ideally the first time she’s ever been on the field.

Women cannot participate in the baseball analogy when they talk about sex because they are the pitcher. They can’t say:

“I was getting hammered out there. Giving up hits left and right. Singles doubles triples, I even gave up an inside the park homerun, I don’t even know what that is.”

David Lee Nelson's City Paper Blog
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Pro America or Anti Everyone Else? (Part 2)

2008-07-27T00:46:00.003-04:00

(Check out the previous post for the beginning of this discussion)

Where does this blindly pro-America/anti-internationalism come from? Is it ignorance? Simply the passion of pride?

And first, some examples of what we're talking about here: hating France because...why are we supposed to hate France again? (freedom fries?); racism based on race or racism based more on country of origin; insisting on having the largest possible U.S. flag pole in your front yard; thinking foreigners are less intelligent because they don't speak English; chastising those who choose not to put their hand on their heart for the Pledge of Allegiance.

I've personally been called a socialist, communist, and having a lack of patriotism. Why? Because I'm not 100% happy with America. I don't like that we encourage torture at any level. I don't agree with every decision that our government makes. I don't like our current administration.

And even worse...I LIKE other countries! There I said it! You see, to be 100% pro-America you MUST mock and dislike all other nations. But the reality is that I do in fact love our country. I know just how special we have it here. Nowhere else will you find such opportunity and freedom. However am I not allowed to disagree from time to time?

So where does this anti-everyone else come from? As far as location, is it more prevalent to feel this way if you live in the South? The Midwest? Or are you more likely if you live in a small town? Big city?

If you've never left the state of your birth, even once, are you more likely to be anti-everyone else? Is it simply a matter of worldly ignorance? Is it education level? Does less education mean more hatred for other countries?

I'd love to continue this discussion and hear some of your answers in the comment section below or by emailing me (philelkins@hotmail.com). I'll post the more interesting of responses in the near future.
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Pro America or Anti Everyone Else?

2008-07-27T00:07:00.002-04:00

This topic has been swimming around in my head for some time, but recent comments by America's favorite radio host Rush Limbaugh have prompted me to tackle it.

More on Rush's comments later. First lets talk about national pride. Do you like America? Me too! (Note: not America Ferrerra from Ugly Betty...silly!) I like it a lot. Me and America have been on good terms for 26 years now. I haven't even LOOKED at anyone else in that time. Although I do admit when Canada puts that skimpy hockey dress on it turns my head.

The point: we should all love our country for the many things it has offered, and will continue to offer us. We are certainly a unique country of diverse people, ideas, and superior opportunities.

Where I begin to have problems is when some people go overboard with their pride and insist that everyone else around them act similarly. For example, it's GOOD to love your country, it's BAD to blindly hate foreign nations just because they aren't yours.

Enter Rush Limbaugh. Recently he criticized Obama for a speech given in Germany where he simply admitted that America wasn't perfect and hasn't always done the right thing (allowed torture, mistakes in the Iraq war, etc). Rush even went so far as to say he was being anti-American.

Really? Admitting that we aren't perfect is simply humbling, honest, and accurate if you ask me. Why is there so much pressure to be as pro-America as possible? Put your hand on your heart for the National Anthem, put the largest U.S. flag possible in your front yard, etc.

I love this country but I can also respect and admire European countries and even criticize my own when it misbehaves. I refuse to be an uninformed member of this country and I welcome diversity, arguments, and protests. Afterall, isn't that what America is REALLY all about? The ability to disagree, question the motives of your country's governing body?

Last time I checked we weren't in favor of communist censorship. Your thoughts? Next post: Part 2 of this discussion including some questions I have regarding anti-internationalism as it pertains to where you live in the U.S., the size of your city, your education level, and more.

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Grammer and Spelingg is Important

2008-07-24T22:17:00.003-04:00

Not to nitpick, but if you run a newspaper the least you can do is make sure your own title is spelled correctly. This is from a recent front page of New Hampshire and Vermont's "Valley News":

Nice work! At least they apologized and don't mind chuckling about it:

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I Love Counting to the Number Four

2008-07-24T22:13:00.003-04:00

Sesame Street sings along with Feist. (Note: I wasn't exactly sober when I first watched this but I do remember laughing hysterically so here you go):

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Michael Savage is an Asshole

2008-07-21T19:33:00.002-04:00

Forgive me for the coarse language, but conservative talk radio host Michael Savage deserves it. He had this to say about autism:

"Autism is [a] fraud, a racket. ... I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, 'Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot.'"

Nice. I'm not saying ALL conservative talk radio is like this, but it sure doesn't help.

Thanks to Media Matters for the story.
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Of Hometowns and Life Expectancies

2008-07-21T19:28:00.003-04:00

Choose your living situation wisely and you just might live longer. Here's a map of average U.S. life expectancy by congressional voting districts (Click map for full size):

Thanks to the Daily Dish for the link.
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Redskins Acquire Jason Taylor, Prepare for Danceoff

2008-07-21T19:13:00.002-04:00

Late Sunday night it was reported that the Washington Redskins have traded two future draft picks for Miami Dolphins star defensive end Jason Taylor. You might recall that Taylor spent the offseason dazzling audiences on "Dancing with the Stars." Which is PERFECT for the Redskins in case there are any late-breaking NFL rule changes.

Imagine a scenario in which two teams are tied for the final playoff spot. Their overall record, divisional record, and points scored are identical.

Now also imagine that NFL commissioner Robert Goodell decides to mandate an unprecedented "dance-off" in which one player from each team is selected to show off their dancing skills. The winner earns their team the tiebreaker and a spot in the NFL playoffs.

So just in case, the 'skins are totally covered.
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A Note on Hallucinogenic Mushrooms

2008-07-10T22:48:00.005-04:00

Catchy title, eh? I felt the need to pass this along because this is the sort of thing that the blindly anti-drug crowd will miss. Scientists studied the effects of psychedelic mushrooms on several people and among their findings I found this encouraging:

The experiment was funded in part by the National Institute on Drug Abuse. The results were published online Tuesday by the Journal of Psychopharmacology.

Fourteen months after taking the drug, 64 percent of the volunteers said they still felt at least a moderate increase in well-being or life satisfaction, in terms of things like feeling more creative, self-confident, flexible and optimistic. And 61 percent reported at least a moderate behavior change in what they considered positive ways.

That second question didn't ask for details, but elsewhere the questionnaire answers indicated lasting gains in traits like being more sensitive, tolerant, loving and compassionate.

In no way do I encourage illegal drug use, especially among the younger generation who lack the mental capacity to handle it. However, there are certainly a few drugs that are completely non-addictive and whose positive effects should not be laughed off or ignored. It continues to baffle me why most countries still consider drugs like these illegal when habit-forming drugs like caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco remain sanctioned.

Further research on hallucinogenic mushroom's main chemical, psilocybin, will reveal even more eye-opening positive and healing effects.

Full research study: Associated Press
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How Much is Your Drive Worth?

2008-07-10T22:32:00.002-04:00

Here's a great site that takes into account local and current gas prices, the miles-per-gallon of your exact car, and your trip from point-A to point-B to help you figure out exactly how much it will cost you to make that roadtrip.

For example, using my state of the art 1998 Mazda Protege (averaging 26 mpg) it costs me $84 for a round-trip drive to visit my family and friends in Raleigh, NC. In August I'll be footing the bill of $137 to drive to and from the Outer Banks in North Carolina for our beach vacation. Ouch.

Try it out for yourself with Drive Pricing.
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Rules For Wearing Baseball Merchandise

2008-07-10T21:56:00.003-04:00

A few quick and simple rules for wearing Major League Baseball merchandise. In fact, only one:

1) You must be at least marginally a fan of the team whose merchandise you are wearing.

I routinely (and by personal choice) get into conversations with strangers. Call me a people person (or you can just call me on the phone). I enjoy striking up a chat with people I pass while working at my glorious part time job at the world's favorite electronics retailer. I especially enjoy starting up conversations with people who are wearing sports memorabilia, because it's easy and fandom is universal.

It's amazing to me that I can get a complete stranger to engage in a lengthy discussion about sports, their hometown and family, or "why they hate the Yankees" simply based on the choice to wear their favorite team's baseball hat or football jersey.

However, over the past several months I've noticed a disturbing trend in sports clothing: A significant portion of young people are choosing to wear sports merchandise not based on their devotion to the team, but instead due to popular culture fashion! As if!

I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me lately:

"Oh hey man, are you from Maryland?" (pointing to the young man's Baltimore Orioles hat)
"Nope."
"Oh, just an Orioles fan though?"
"No, the hat just went with the outfit."

Gag me. This is sports not the E Entertainment Network! I guess I should have known though...it's not exactly "fashionable" to be an Orioles fan these days. But I digress. Here are some forceful suggestions from Philelkins.com staff writers:

* Rappers are not allowed to wear Nascar jackets unless they devote at least an hour per week to watching a race and/or following racing related coverage on ESPN.

* Thou shall not purchase any team's hat, jersey, shirt or the like unless you were either born in that team's city, attended a minimum of three games, "forgot to give this shirt back to my ex-boyfriend,"or "my Uncle lives in Boston."

* If you must wear un-affiliated sports merchandise it has to be that of a team that is not popular to claim allegiance to (Examples: Milwaukee Brewers, Seattle Supersonics, Miami Dolphins, any jersey from the Arena Football League).
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"Dorm Life"

2008-07-09T16:04:00.004-04:00

Introducing "Dorm Life," a really creative and hilarious web-based TV show. The infamous Jason Hepler can be credited with introducing me to this show and as I've passed the fun along I've noticed a 100% success rate; everybody loves the show!

Think NBC's "The Office" set in a freshman college dorm room. It's fantastic because they've really nailed the personalities that you meet as a freshman. Give this show a try. Each episode is only about 5 minutes long. I've added the pilot episode below and Hulu.com has full high quality episodes for you to enjoy:

"Do you drink?"
"Probably."
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Elkins Named Player of the Week

2008-07-09T13:20:00.005-04:00

From the Coastal Plain League's website:

Raleigh, NC — The Coastal Plain League announced Monday that Wilson’s Packy Elkins was named the Rawlings Hitter of the Week for week five of action (June 30 – July 6).

Elkins, a sophomore from Belmont started all five games for the Tobs on the week, finishing with a .500 average and seven hits, including a double and a home run. He scored four runs, drove in five RBIs and racked up 11 total bases, as well as being walked five times.

Elkins featured an impressive .786 slugging percentage and .650 on-base percentage as well. On the season, he is batting .258 with 23 hits, of which two are doubles, one a homer. He has scored nine runs and has nine RBIs, while tallying 28 total bases. He has been walked a team-high 23 times, features a .315 slugging percentage and .426 on-base percentage as well.

Thanks goes to Papa Elkins for the heads up.
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Worst Injury Ever

2008-07-04T00:20:00.003-04:00

I'm not going to give too much analysis here. I'd just like to point out that the most unfortunate injury of the year in baseball has pretty much been locked down.

Arizona Diamondbacks catcher Chris Snyder suffered a fractured testicle. Yes, TESTICLE. I wasn't even aware a testicle could be fractured. At any rate, I'm sure every man in the world is holding a moment of silence for Mr. Snyder.

OUCH. God speed Mr. Snyder.

Story: Mercury News Online
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Raleigh Is Better Than Your Town, Officially

2008-07-02T18:19:00.003-04:00

Confirming what many already knew, Raleigh was recently ranked the 2nd best city in AMERICA to "live, work, and play" according to a recent Kiplinger.com study.

The factors used to rank the cities included "places with strong economies and abundant jobs, then demand reasonable living costs and plenty of fun things to do." Here are some quick facts about Raleigh published in the study:

2. Raleigh

Population: 995,662

Population Growth Since 2000: 19.9%
Percentage of Workforce in Creative Class: 36.1%
Cost-of-Living Index: 99 (100 being national average)
Median Household Income: $56,150
Income Growth Since 2000: 10.3%

Coming from a person who grew up in this fine city I must say that it's nice to finally see Raleigh garner a bit of national attention. My only complaint? Where the heck is Charleston on this list?!

Story: Yahoo Finance
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Cliff Notes for the Cliff Notes

2008-07-02T16:25:00.002-04:00

If the Cliff Notes version of your required reading just doesn't cut it, McSweeney's suggests you try literary classics "in three lines or less." Among them:

The Great Gatsby

NICK: I love being rich and white.
GATSBY: Me, too, but I'd kill for the love of a woman.
DAISY: We can work with that.

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Fun With Religious Studies!

2008-07-02T16:06:00.004-04:00

I'm always fascinated with organized religion in our world today. I stumbled upon a recent Pew study and wanted to share a few highlights:

* The Spirituality of Atheists - 21% of Atheists believe in god.

Folks, allow me to reprint the exact definition of "atheist" from Dictionary.com: "a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings." Ok, got it. So you're telling me that 21% of atheists are unclear about the ONE thing that constitutes them as being an atheist? I'd say those 21% need to look in the mirror and come to the realization that if they believe in God they are most likely classified as being agnostic.

* Christian Evangelicals Similar to Muslims - In many questions, the group most similar to evangelicals was Muslims. For instance, 79% of evangelicals say religion is very important in their lives. That compares to 56% for the population as a whole, 56% among Catholics, 31% among Jews - and 72% among Muslims.

I could sit here and dwell on the irony and hilarity in the fact that only evangelical Christians and Muslims have similarly strong beliefs in their faith. But I know better than that.

* Tolerance -- 70% of Americans say "many religions can lead to eternal life" and 68% that there "is more than one true way to interpret the teachings of my religion." Most amazing, 57% of evangelicals say many religions can lead to eternal life. Given that one of the most important teachings of evangelical Christianity is that salvation comes ONLY through Christ, this finding ought to rattle Christian leaders.

And this is the most important point as far as I'm concerned. I'm very open religiously. The one thing I can't comprehend is how someone can be so forceful with their specific religion to the point where they are certain that heaven awaits them, while they're just as certain that all other religious paths do not qualify.

It's all about tolerance. Unless you've personally been to heaven and have brought back a permission slip from God stating who's invited and who isn't, don't be intolerant.

For more info: Author Steven Waldman's Blog
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Go Ahead, Try This At Home

2008-07-01T01:14:00.004-04:00

The blog Lifehacker (A GREAT blog by the way) spends some time on a very important question facing many of you each weekend:

How can I get drunk faster? The answer:

"Solution: Buy an energy drink at a liquor store and use it as a mixer.

Why this works: Energy drinks have caffeine in them, which causes your veins to expand, allowing the alcohol the beverages are mixed with to circulate faster. A lot of energy drinks also have an amino acid called taurine in them, which helps speed up your metabolism. This causes you to feel the effects of the alcohol faster than you would under normal circumstances."

Philelkins.com takes no responsibility for any damages incurred using this advice nor will apologize on your behalf for any drunk dialing that occurs.
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Russians Are Bad Drivers

2008-06-30T23:23:00.003-04:00

From YouTube: "This 3150 meter long tunnel in Russia is the longest in-city tunnel of Europe . There is a river running over it and water leaks at some points. When the temperature drops to minus 38 degrees like it did this winter, the road freezes. The result is the attached video taken during a single day with the tunnel camera."

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Man Babies Look Strange, Humorous

2008-06-30T23:12:00.004-04:00

Kudos to my good friend Jason Hepler for introducing me to quite possibly the most odd, yet hilarious website out there: www.manbabies.com. Simply put, ordinary people submit their doctored photos in which they swap the heads of babies and their parents. The rest of their bodies, fortunately for our sense of humor, remain untouched. Take a gander:

Head on over to the site for more. So much more.
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Hey Political World: Relax

2008-06-30T23:07:00.000-04:00

Yes, relax.

Each and every day Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain give speech after speech; all day Democratic and Republican senators, party officials, and writers make cable news appearances where they spout off their talking points; and all day television and radio hosts react, immediately, to all of this chatter.

And I'm tired. So weak. I can't take much more of the excruciatingly close analysis of all this minutia (The truth is, I eat it all up. I'm a political nerd. However, I'm still entitled to be annoyed by it all).

The latest political hot-button issue has fallen to retired General Wesley Clark. A couple days ago on CBS' "Face the Nation" he had this to say:

"Well, I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president...Because in the matters of national security policymaking, it's a matter of understanding risk. It's a matter of gauging your opponents and it's a matter of being held accountable.

John McCain's never done any of that in his official positions. I certainly honor his service … But he hasn't held executive responsibility."

Sure enough, today in the political talk radio world you heard nothing but outrage by conservatives of Clark, a strong Obama supporter, attacking McCain's war record, and also Obama distancing himself strongly from the comments.

My simple points:

1) Why do we have to focus so closely on just a few words?
2) Isn't the General just being accurate?
3) Obama: grow some balls

We focus SO heavily on every single word that is said in the political world, especially now that we live in a 24-hour a day news cycle and a YouTube society. No longer do we take a person for their overall message. We can't go a few hours, much less a day, without changing the topic and jumping all over a different set of dialogue. Our country suffers from an extreme case of attention deficit disorder.

And yeah, what was ACTUALLY wrong with what the General said? I don't like the fact that John McCain's POW time and war experience were questioned or attacked. But isn't he right? Just because someone served honorably in the U.S. military doesn't mean they're the right person to be President. I'm not being partisan here either; I'm just saying that I don't vote for someone based on military experience. Do you?

Barack: grow some balls. Don't scury so quickly away from General Clark. Why not point out the unfortunate nature of the comments while at the same time defending a decorated retired General? One slightly controversial comment and we kill off a person's political reputation? I don't have to agree to that, do I?

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How to be a Bandwagon Sports Fan

2008-06-20T18:43:00.002-04:00

Tired of your favorite hometown team sucking it up for years on end? Just pick another one! ESPN Page 2 columnist DJ Gallo gives his 10 steps on picking a bandwagon sports team. Among them:

For instance, if you feel like being Member No. 37,465,989 on the Boston Red Sox bandwagon, try this: "I am not a bandwagon Red Sox fan! My relatives are originally from Massachusetts. I still have family there." And then, just don't mention that you are referring to the pilgrims as your relatives and America as your family.

ESPN.com: "Ten Tips if you're Jumping on a Bandwagon"
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For the Dads

2008-06-16T00:35:00.003-04:00

The late Tim Russert:

You know, my dad, after he read "Big Russ and Me," said, "You made a mistake." I said, "Dad, I didn't make a mistake. I vetted the book so carefully and I really tried to be precise and be accurate." He said, "Yeah, you say I always call you and say you've got to eat." I said, "You do. You call me on my birthday at 7:00 A.M. and say, 'You've got to eat. You've got to eat. What are you having for supper?'" I said, "Dad, I haven't had breakfast yet."

He said, "Well, that's half the expression. The full expression is, 'You've got to eat if you're going to drink.'" So I said, "Dad--come on, I'm not going to college anymore," and he laughed like crazy.

But he took the book to heart. It came out in May of '04, and in November of '04 I went home for Thanksgiving. We were loading our car to go back to the airport. And my dad came up to me.

And normally, he was not someone who said a lot. I knew he loved me because I saw it by his hard work and by his actions, but he never used those words until Thanksgiving of '04 after the book had come out.

We usually say, "Good-bye" by a half of a handshake and half of a hug. And suddenly he engulfed me in a bear hug and grabbed me and pulled me close and said, "I love you." And that was a big deal. I wish I'd written the book 30 years ago.

Happy Father's Day.

(Thanks to the Daily Dish for the quote)
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Tim Russert of NBC News, Dead at 58

2008-06-13T17:45:00.003-04:00

His colleagues called him, by far, one of the nicest guys in the news media. He was always one of my favorite political news journalists and hosted the widely popular and historic Sunday morning show, Meet the Press.

Tim Russert (1950-2008) died today from a heart attack. He had just returned from a vacation with his family and as we speak MSNBC continues their live coverage on Tim's passing.

For further reading:

* The Daily Dish on Russert
* MSNBC reports

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Where There's Smoke There's...Raleigh

2008-06-12T21:35:00.006-04:00

Unless you live in Raleigh, NC (or you read a blog from a guy who has family there) you probably haven't heard about the smoke situation in the Tar Heel state.

A fairly large forest fire near the Outer Banks on the far east coast of the state and subsequent prevailing winds have carried a massive cloud of smoke over cities like Raleigh, Durham, and Chapel Hill. It's so bad in fact that the state has issued a Code Red Warning for 25 counties in North Carolina. Under such a warning people are discouraged from holding ANY outdoor activities.

The Elkins family who is stationed in north Raleigh reports that you can see, smell, and feel the effects of the smoke all over the city.

"It's like the whole city is on fire," said a worried Brad Elkins.

Brad's 22 year old son, Nick, seemed rather defiant regarding the unhealthy smoke situation. "I actually played golf today and endured the conditions. You couldn't even see the ball when you drove it, although I do hit it awfully far."

What's puzzled local forecasters even more is the fact that the winds have moved the cloud of smoke westward, when normal weather patterns usually move east from the western mountaneous portion of the state across the state capital and then onto the coastal regions before dumping into the Atlantic Ocean.

The latest weather calls for worsening conditions as winds will calm a bit and help the smoke cloud to remain stationary over the middle part of the state.

WRAL TV 5 reports on the smoke.
The Raleigh News and Observer is also watching the story.
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Embrace Your Inner Procrastinator

2008-06-09T23:20:00.003-04:00

I'm not lazy I just procrastinate. A lot. In college when I had an essay due at 8am I would usually begin work on it circa 3:30am. But I made it this far and I'm not looking back.

Well it turns out that being a procrastinator isn't all that bad. Behold, some advice from a veteran slacker:

Letter to a Young Procrastinator (Slate.com)
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GE Wants Electric Cars

2008-06-09T00:18:00.003-04:00

I'm three months late in commenting on this story but I don't remember hearing much about this in March when the press release came out, so here goes. And since, to me, this story seems to be a HUGE step in the right direction for energy independence, I'm a little dumbfounded as to why this wasn't more widely publicized at the time.

GE has actually stepped up and invested $40 million in a Norwegian electric car company called 'Think' and additionally has put $20 million into a company that produces lithium ion batteries for the car.

Think presented its investment relationship with GE in Geneva at the 78th International Motor Show, where it unveiled a new platform concept for larger electric vehicles: The crossover TH!NK Ox is an electric five-seat car close to the size of a sport utility vehicle but lighter and more aerodynamic. Also in Geneva, the company launched to the market the TH!NK City, a plug-in electric car with over 100 miles range.

GE's research includes a US $5.6 million US Energy Department contract to develop smaller, lower cost, higher performing hybrid drivetrain motors for hybrid electric vehicles.

It's definitely a step in the right direction. The government doesn't seem too rushed to intervene in the alternate fuels race so we might as well have forward-thinking (and wealthy) private companies give it a go.

GE Press Release: HERE

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Reluctantly Helping My Friend Move

2008-06-08T22:14:00.003-04:00

This is a Dunkin' Donuts commercial and it's had me laughing for a couple days. I guess the rap is just catchy and I completely lose it every time I hear the guy's voiceover saying:

"I forgot all about the air hockey table."

Enjoy:

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Dating: Every Girl Ever

2008-06-07T13:26:00.002-04:00

This is just too funny, and yeah, does is sound familiar guys?

Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

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Viva La Vida!

2008-06-06T22:10:00.006-04:00

Coldplay's latest album "Viva La Vida" hits store shelves this Tuesday but I just couldn't wait that long. So what was this blogger to do? Well I obtained an illegal copy online of course!

I'm certainly not going to pretend that I'm adept at reviewing music. In fact using the word 'adept' was a big step for me. Instead let me simply tell you that this album from top to bottom is EXCELLENT.

Sure-fire signs that I'm enjoying an album immensely:

1) I'm diggin' it and I'm SOBER!

2) I've pulled out my acoustic guitar and managed to play along with several of the songs (Note: I don't actually have any formal training on the guitar... also: I'm SOBER).

3) My computer is hooked up to a loud stereo system and it's just not loud enough.

It really is a phenomenal album and it took me a long time to listen to it all the way through because I repeated the first three tracks about five or six times each. Really good stuff here. If you're already a Coldplay fan you'll probably grab this, but for the rest of you check it out.

There's always something about a song or an album that I really love that just hits me and strikes a chord. I can never find the right words to describe exactly what that feeling is, but the songs I enjoy the most just seem to sound important. That's the best I can do.

This album sounds important.

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Just Try Not to Cry

2008-06-05T11:21:00.002-04:00

This is possibly the most amazing story I've ever seen and it just happens to be centered around the Charleston area.

No more setup. Just please watch this, and no matter how tough you think you are I'll bet there will be tears in your eyes by the end.

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That's What She Said

2008-05-27T18:58:00.004-04:00

Ok, so I was a little nerdy when I was younger (Phil, you still are) and I will admit to frequently watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. Sorry to shatter the cool guy image ladies.

But this is a hilarious little group of snippets from the show that can be turned into creative sexual innuendos. It's always fun to say, "that's what she said." Micheal Scott would be proud.

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I Will Possess Your Heart

2008-05-14T13:41:00.003-04:00

Death Cab for Cutie has quickly grown into one of my favorite bands over the past two or three years. If you're even moderately a fan of these guys check out their latest album that was just released yesterday called "Narrow Stairs."

Here's the single off that album, you may have heard it already on your local rock station: "I Will Possess Your Heart."

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Bill O'Reilly is a Nice Guy

2008-05-14T11:29:00.002-04:00

This clip comes from the early 90's when he worked as a reputable hard-news reporter with Inside Edition. You know, before I thought he was just an idiot and occasionally an asshole. But now? MOSTLY asshole:

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Fallon for Conan: It's Official

2008-05-12T11:26:00.002-04:00

Not everyone is excited about this, but NBC today at noon is expected to announce that Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'brien when Conan takes the Tonight Show reigns from Jay Leno.

I do like Jimmy Fallon, he's funny. I'm not saying he's my favorite choice for the job but to the doubters: lets remember that when Conan was chosen for the role of talk show host he was LARGELY unknown except in the comedy writing circles he was involved in. Sure, he did amazing work for the Simpsons and SNL but many in the public had no clue who the goofy, pale Irishman was before he smiled on camera.

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Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now

2008-05-12T02:08:00.005-04:00

Esquire.com explored some of the better television intros of all time and I'd like to share one of their selections. Remember "Perfect Strangers?" Larry and Balky? This show of course was one of the ORIGINAL "T.G.I.F" shows. Ah, the good 'ol days:

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Yes, Another Damn Global Warming Opinion

2008-05-12T00:33:00.001-04:00

Allow an average guy to weigh in on this divisive issue of global warming.

It is NOT debatable that the average temperature on planet Earth is rising. Find me 10 scientists from varying specialties and political backgrounds and ask them the question. They'll tell you that of course the planet is gradually getting warmer. I don't think many people are arguing that point.

Obviously the appropriate question; is this cyclical? Has the Earth's temperature always seen valleys and peaks throughout its history? Or is this warming caused by human interaction?

My main point is this: who cares if WE are causing global warming? Shouldn't this simply be an environmental, economical, and moral issue anyway? And certainly not in that order.

Regardless of whether our over-driven, carbon-rich roads are contributing to the change shouldn't we still care that nasty gases are constantly released into the air? I'm not an idealistic hippie either; I know cars are necessary to our economy and general way of life, but what's wrong with finding a clean and cheap way to run them?

I don't even have to spend time on the gasoline issue. We all know our economy is in trouble and its due to a plethora of factors. One big one just happens to be the unbelievable cost of gas and the geopolitical headaches that it can, and has caused.

Ok enough with the big words and bigger imagination. I know global warming is a favorite hot topic for proving how left or right of the political world we reside. But why can't this just be an important excuse to start acting better and more responsibly with our environment and economy?

The world is hot, and the weather is increasingly unpredictable. Who cares why its starting to happen? Lets just be better planetary guests. And I promise, you can still drink your $6 coffees. So I know its not too much to ask.

Already Amazing Voter Turnout in NC

2008-05-05T00:52:00.002-04:00

(this post originally appeared in a friend's blog called "Try Coloring Outside the Lines." Do check it out if you're at all in to politics. It helps if you lean a little to the left.)

I'm a Maryland native but enjoyed growing up in North Carolina since I was three years old. The Tar Heel state will hold its primary, along with Indiana, this Tuesday but early voting has already set amazing records.

The Raleigh News and Observer says:

As of 10 p.m., the State Board of Elections reports receiving 466,396 ballots at one-stop voting sites, which closed Saturday afternoon. Another 22,181 mailed in ballots.

That's 8.4 percent turnout so far. To put that in context, turnout in the 2004 presidential primary was 16 percent, so we're already more than halfway towards that number and it's not even Election Day yet.

Regardless of the candidate North Carolinians are choosing its great to see the trend of enormous amounts of political participation.

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Obama Shoots Hoops with UNC

2008-04-30T22:33:00.003-04:00

He tried bowling, no good. Time for Mr. Obama to get back to basics. Apparently he's a pretty good baller and plays pickup basketball games pretty often and says he usually has to play with younger guys because he's "much too fast for the older fellas."

As he criss-crosses the state of NC ahead of its upcoming primary, he played some basketball with the UNC basketball team. Check out the video, and the guy guarding Obama, #30, is actually my old next door neighbor Marc Campbell! Marc is a walk-on Tar Heel who has seen a few minutes of playing time this year:

http://northcarolina.scout.com/a.z?s=78&p=2&c=751102

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"Unbelievable" Sportsmanship

2008-04-30T21:04:00.002-04:00

Yeah this might be cheesy, but my sensitive side AND sports side can get a kick out of this one. A college softball player hits her first homerun of her career but injures her knee and can't continue rounding the bases...you can't have members of your own team intervene (hey its the rules kids) but two members of the other team picked the girl up and carried her around the bases.

Pretty cool stuff. Let Brian Williams tell you about it:

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The Most Evil of Evils

2008-04-29T23:45:00.002-04:00

I almost regret bringing more attention to this, but if you haven't already read about it prepare for what I believe to be one of the most disgusting news stories in quite a while. The gist:

A father in Austria held his 18 yr old daughter captive in their home for 24 years...during which time he fathered 7 children WITH HER. The unbelievable full details are below.

Story: "Mother, Kids in Austria Incest are Reunited" (MSNBC)

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World's Best Video Production Company

2008-04-29T15:02:00.002-04:00

Ah crap...looks like I've got some competition.

Worlds Best Video Production Company - Watch more free videos

The best part is how comfortable Sharon looks on camera.
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Human Evolution

2008-04-29T00:44:00.003-04:00

Regardless of species, some smells repulse us all:

Thanks to "the other Pelkins" for the link.

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Jimmy Fallon to Replace Conan Next Year

2008-04-28T18:20:00.004-04:00

Next year Conan O'brien will step aside as host of the NBC 12:30am slot so that he can be the new Jay Leno. Not news. What IS news are reports that Jimmy Fallon is likely Conan's replacement.

Now I happen to love Jimmy Fallon's comedy from SNL and some of the movies he's been in. But many of my friends can't stand the guy. So I'm wondering what the overall feeling is going to be with this decision. After all, Conan is a freakin' tough dude to replace .

Readers: your thoughts?

Story: "Fallon to take over for O'Brien" (MSNBC)
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Earl Weaver - Prepare to Laugh Your Face Off

2008-04-28T00:12:00.003-04:00

Earl Weaver; one of the greatest and funniest baseball managers in the history of the game. Growing up an Orioles fan my Dad had a chance to watch his exploits as they happened live. For the rest of us, video works nicely:

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God Grew Tired of Us

2008-04-27T23:51:00.003-04:00

I saw yet another really powerful documentary tonight. I know, I'm scaring you away already. But for my money I'll take a good, thought-provoking documentary over an explosive action movie any day. "God Grew Tired Of Us" was certainly no exception.

This is a movie for anyone who cares about humans. Anyone who has even just a tiny amount of compassion for people, preferably other people, and maybe even for people that don't look or talk like you.

This film won two awards at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival. It's the story of young Sudanese refugees who were forced to walk hundreds of miles away from their war-torn village due to ethnic and religious murder.

A few of these refugees get the chance to pursue a different life when they travel to the United States with the help of relief organizations. They go to community colleges, work American jobs, and explore what it means to be an American.

The most interesting parts of this film come when the Sudanese boys experience the simplest of western pleasures: escalators, refrigerators, electricity, and potato chips. It's not a movie with a political bias or agenda. It really is just one of those unique looks at a group of people in a brand new world. A family-oriented, compassionate group who wants nothing more than to improve the lives of their friends and family back home.

Just go watch it. It really makes you want to reach out to just one or two people in need. You'll think twice about bitching about your $15-20/hr office job, and you might even start following news stories from around the world, not just ones from your own country.

The war in Sudan is still ongoing, and while we certainly have other pressing issues closer to home (and to our wallet, ie gas prices, economy), it doesn't hurt to spend an hour and a half watching the plight of positive kids who just want their families alive.

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Obama in 30 Seconds

2008-04-25T14:47:00.003-04:00

A friend of mine from Elon, Lauren Durr, helped produce this ad for the Obama campaign and if it wins enough votes I think it actually makes it on the 'ol Television! It's hilarious, creative, and you should vote for it.

Click here to watch and vote for this Ad.
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Hated Hockey Player to Intern at Vogue

2008-04-23T23:30:00.004-04:00

This post probably appeals to the smallest percentage of Philelkins.com readers: hockey fans. But hey, I don't get ratings and I don't have a boss. Let's continue.

I hate Sean Avery. He plays for the New York Rangers and he is an agitator. He's the guy that lots of hockey teams have. You know, not a great scorer and not really a great guy, but hey, he can really piss people off! He teases and teases until someone breaks and punches him in the face, drawing a penalty. It's been said that he's the most hated man in hockey today.

Stage is set. Now the curtain rises. Apparently the fashion magazine Vogue has given him an unpaid internship. He'll be participating at photo shoots and helping to write.

I didn't think it was possible for me to hate Sean Avery any more than I already did. Mission accomplished. Turns out the guy is a HUGE fashion fan.

"He is ridiculously obsessed with fashion," Avery's publicist Nicole Chabot told ABCNews.com. "He loves it more than anything in the world. It's something he has always wanted to do."

What? Loves fashion more than anything else? What about hockey?? Go read the full article, it's actually pretty entertaining with mentions of Lindsey Lohan, Mary Kate Olsen, and other exciting topics!

Story: Ranger Wears Prada (ABC News)
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Update: PhilElkins.Com Jinxes Streak

2008-04-23T23:02:00.002-04:00

It's official. A day after reporting that Belmont baseball player Packy Elkins was riding a 13-game hitting streak, the streak is dead.

After predicting such a jinx PhilElkins.com staff writers have accepted the blame and moved on with other stories. Packy Elkins was reached by phone and was actually surprisingly grateful.

"I hated the streak. It's all you start to think about and you lose focus for the rest of the game. I'm glad its over."

Essentially he said: "Thanks PhilElkins.com". You're welcome Packy.
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Elkins Has 13-Game Hitting Streak

2008-04-21T16:32:00.005-04:00

I realize I'm most likely jinxing this by reporting it, but my brother Packy Elkins is currently sitting on an impressive 13-game hitting streak for Belmont University's baseball team. Here's the writeup from the Atlantic Sun Conference:

ELKINS PACKING TOGETHER THE HITS

Belmont Sophomore Packy Elkins continued his season and career-long hitting streak over the week. The streak is now at 13 games. During this streak, he has hit .436. Elkins went 3-4 with two runs scored and an RBI in Belmont's game at Austin Peay on Apr. 15. He had two hits with a stolen base in the Bruins' 10-4 win over the Univ. of the Cumberlands on Apr. 16.

Elkins had another two-hit game against ETSU on Apr. 18, a 4-1 victory for Belmont. He went 2-4 in the Bruins' contest against ETSU on Apr. 19. Finally, he had two runs scored and two walks in Belmont's 17-11 win at ETSU on Apr. 20.

Keep it up big fella.
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Fun With High Speed Cameras!

2008-04-19T00:28:00.002-04:00

I give you a water balloon popping in slow motion:

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How to Make Politics More Interesting

2008-04-19T00:23:00.001-04:00

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Don't Call This Baby 4-Eyes

2008-04-17T00:10:00.002-04:00

This story is a little old, a week or so at least by now, but if you haven't heard it yet listen up.

That baby over there was born in Northern India with TWO FACES! It's not two different twins, it's ONE baby, TWO faces. That's right, two eyes, two noses, two mouths, etc.

I'm sure there are smarter thinkers than I who will debate the scientfic and social ramifications of such a rare event, but I'd simply like to focus on the really cool things that might be possible as this baby grows older.

For instance, could she watch TV and read a book at the same time? How about one set of eyes needing glasses but the other having perfect vision? It's too bad this baby wasn't born a male...can you imagine how much fun it would be to actually be able to watch sports with one set of eyes and ears but also listen to your wife with the other?

I'd guess dating will be a chore for this poor girl. Are they still arranging marriages over in India these days? Some sorry little baby boy will someday be matched up with little miss two-face.

Story: "Baby Born with 2 Faces in India" (MSNBC)

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Mr. Iran Doubts Our 9/11 "Story"

2008-04-16T23:38:00.007-04:00

Prologue: I'm not blindly anti-Iran and unlike a few of my republican friends I don't want to bomb the country. The fact is, most regular people in Iran watch the Real World on MTV and are more similar to you and I than most would think.

However, their leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a fucking idiot. Not to mention a racist, liar, and dictactor, and I bet he throws a baseball like a GIRL! Yep, I said it.

But the reason I bring this up is because today was the THIRD time this week that the President of Iran has questioned the "story" of September 11, 2001. Today he said:

"Four or five years ago, a suspicious event occurred in New York. A building collapsed and they said that 3,000 people had been killed but never published their names."

Mahmoud: The names of the deceased have not only been published but they have each been read out loud during ceremonies marking the event. And you can also find 3,000 different families who would be glad to shed their tears and share stories of their lost loved ones.

Guys, we're past the point of conspiracy theories on this one aren't we? Lets focus on the aftermath, the reasons these enemies despise our country so much, and the current state of our war.

The Iranian leader is crazy and will say anything to spark up controversy and get his country in the news. He's also supplying weapons to anti-U.S. militias in Iraq. Did I mention that over the last several years he's said publicly that the Holocaust was a hoax? Now if we could just ask him about the U.S. landing on the moon...

Story: Iran questions U.S. version of Sept. 11 attacks (MSNBC)
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It's Dangerous to Report the News

2008-04-09T13:54:00.002-04:00

It's true. Here's some video evidence.

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Warning to all Marijuana Growers

2008-04-08T00:29:00.003-04:00

Since so many of Philelkins.com readers tend to be growers of marijuana (usually a family business) we thought you all should be warned of a bold new tactic by the government to catch you:

Remote-controlled aerial drones.

Holy shit. And they say the war on drugs is nothing but a waste of money! Come on folks, if we're going to win this battle against evil drug dealers (YES, marijuana IS a drug you lazy hippies) we've got to think FOUR dimensionally.

Actually I think the 4th dimension is time...Can we time travel yet? Probably not affordable.

Story: "Aerial drones will hunt California pot growers in national forests"
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Sign of the Apocalypse: Part 2

2008-04-08T00:04:00.003-04:00

The latest sign: "Boy Band New Kids on the Block to Reunite."

Oh no. I thought we went over this, that time has passed. In fact, they aren't even kids anymore! And they're certainly not new. This is a completely inaccurate band!

Although, any group with lyrics such as "Oh oh, Ohhhhh Oh oh, the right stuff" deserves a comeback tour. They obviously spend hours reflecting on the importance and meaning of their vocal poetry.

All I ask is that they move forward and hereby become known as: Middle-Aged Men in Suburbia.

Story: Boy band New Kids on the Block to reunite (MSNBC)
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Conservatives are Happier than Liberals

2008-04-07T22:10:00.003-04:00

Yep, it's true. Well, at least according to one economist from Syracuse University. He conducted a few polls and research studies and found:

In 2004 Americans who called themselves “conservative” or “very conservative” were nearly twice as likely to tell pollsters they were “very happy” as those who considered themselves “liberal” or “very liberal” (44% versus 25%). One might think this was because liberals were made wretched by George Bush. But the data show that American conservatives have been consistently happier than liberals for at least 35 years.

Conservatives are twice as likely as liberals to be married and twice as likely to attend church every week. Married, religious people are more likely than secular singles to be happy.

I see three possibilities with these findings: 1) These people are absolutely correct, 2) Most conservatives are dirty liars, 3) Liberals are realists and conservatives are delirious.

I for one am feeling very unhappy. Here's the full story.

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Ludacris has Ho's in Different Area Codes: Here's a Map

2008-04-07T17:10:00.004-04:00

You've heard rapper Ludacris in his 2001 single claim that he's "got ho's in different area codes." I've accepted this to be true because Ludacris is a swell fellow. But it's hard to visualize where all of his ho's are located. Finally someone mapped it out for us:

(click map for full size):

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Show Your Support!

2008-04-07T16:47:00.008-04:00

Here are some political buttons YOU can wear to show support this political season:

1) Show some loyalty guys:

2) Oh you clever conservatives! Wait it out:

3) No need for partisan politics, here's one for the anti-Arab in all (some) of us:

4) Be proud of who you are:

5) For the "undecideds":

Tip of the hat to Rebecca Banks for the pics, roommate and wannabe liberal!
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How Did They Think of Pacman?

2008-04-07T15:29:00.002-04:00

Ever wonder how video game inventors came up with all of those wacky ideas for games? I mean a giant yellow face that eats dots and flees from floating ghosts? I want some of what they're smoking! Take a look:

http://www.cracked.com/video_16019_video-game-pitch-meeting-1979.html

Tip of the hat to Mr. Jason Hepler for the link.

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New Motivational Posters

2008-04-05T14:58:00.006-04:00

(Cick each for full size)

Tip of the hat to Comcast SportsNet's Adam Littlefield for the pics.
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The One Good Thing George W. Bush Gave Us

2008-04-04T01:33:00.003-04:00

And for all of these moments, we will certainly miss him:

And the history books shall show that we voted for this man TWICE. I'd ask my history teacher if that was a misprint.

Thanks to Jason Hepler for the link.
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Sign of the Apocalypse

2008-04-04T01:21:00.004-04:00

Latest sign: "Mariah Carey surpasses Elvis in Number 1 Hits"

Now I'm not a crazy Elvis fan and I don't particularly take time out of my busy day to put down Mariah Carey...but let me ask you this; Do you really want to live in a world where Mariah Carey is officially more successful than Elvis?

Thankfully for us she's only moved into the Number 2 spot. But she's closing in on the Beatles for best all-time.

What's next? "Nickelback elected to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame"? I can only hope that my children's children never have to experience a place like that.

Story: MSNBC

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Kill the Penny?

2008-04-03T23:41:00.003-04:00

This is a subject that's been briefly introduced over the years in op-ed columns of various newspapers and discussed on obscure late-night talk radio. I hadn't given it much thought until recently, but now I think it's time we plan a grand American coup. Yep, I think it's time we:

KILL THE PENNY.

I'm sorry Abe, but come on, you've still got the $5 bill. Once you think about the common path that a penny takes in anyone's possession, you begin to realize the worthlessness of that currency.

Here's an example of the short relationship between me and a penny:

1) Purchase a chicken sandwich (they're delicious)
2) Trade a bill of currency for smaller bills and three or four pennies.
3) Keep smaller bills for later, deposit pennies in Mazda cup holder
4) Place beverage on top of penny
5) Alternate beverages

The end. I never spend the penny. It dies in my car, in the southern heat. At one time of course pennies were much more useful. Times when a coke cost five cents and a dime bag cost a dime. But alas, inflation. Prices rise, pennies remain. Why? I hope to convince you of my position, starting with more anti-penny rhetoric:

Even if retailers consistently fudged in their own favor, rounding’s impact on individual consumers today would be imperceptible. For one thing, rounding would apply only to the final five cents, no matter how high the price: a $1.98 purchase would be rounded up two cents; so would a $1001.98 purchase.

Americans have taken this sort of thing in stride for years. Sales taxes are rounded when assessing them results in fractional cents, and most consumers don’t even try very hard to avoid A.T.M. fees, which are far more costly than any form of rounding. Besides, the growing percentage of transactions that are handled by credit card, PayPal, and other non-cash media wouldn’t be subject to rounding at all.

Sure, there's plenty of history behind the one-cent piece. But it's time we moved on. It's time we spent more time with the other currencies. Sorry penny it's not you, it's me. No, it's you.

Full post: The New Republic
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More Haters Who Hate on Dying

2008-04-01T01:24:00.003-04:00

On Sunday I reported on a story where a maniac Brazilian mayor was punishing people in his town for dying. Shame on them for dying! Well now, it's the French who are jumping on the anti-death bandwagon:

In an ordinance posted in the council offices, Mayor Lalanne told the 260 residents that "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish".

It added: "Offenders will be severely punished."

Wow, offenders will be severely punished! What could possibly be so severe that it would rival even your ultimate demise?! My guess: public speaking or eating alone in public. Those are the WORST.

STORY: Sky News
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Hello Baseball!

2008-04-01T01:12:00.002-04:00

Ahhh, I thought I smelled leather and freshly cut grass! Yes my friends it's baseball season once more and I couldn't be happier.

I could go and on about how baseball is the most unique and special of sports, or that hotdogs at baseball games just seem to taste a little better, and so on...

But I've found someone who has already put it into words and is a lot more eloquent on the subject than I could be.

Great article though. It's for all those life-long baseball fans who can immediately relate but also for the few fans who continue to discover baseball's brilliance every year.

"At Last Our Lovable Pastime is Here Aain" (Mike Celizic, NBC Sports)

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Skiing Continued: Large Pencils and Small Police Stations

2008-03-30T23:26:00.002-04:00

That's an oversized pencil in the photo. Was it near the ski slopes that we frequented a couple weeks ago? No. Did we go out of our way to visit this pencil? Yes.

It turns out that large pencils hold no greater comedic value than regular-sized pencils. I wasn't aware of this discrepancy until the moment that I took that picture. But hey, lesson learned.

Another roadside attraction we came upon was the "World's Smallest Police Station" (not pictured). It was also located in the "World's Smallest City" (my opinion). And [insert penis joke here]! Haha!

At some point I'll have some good video footage posted of our trips to these attractions as well as some really intriguing and exhilarating video from INSIDE the car as we rode up to the West Virginia mountain. Stay tuned!

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Dying is so Bad it Should be Illegal

2008-03-30T20:54:00.005-04:00

They say love hurts but I'm willing to bet that dying hurts a little bit more. And that's why I think death should be illegal.

Apparently there's a strange mayor of a town in Brazil who's just plain fed up with his overflowing cemeteries, and he agrees with me:

He wants to bring in a law that would see relatives of people who die before their time face fines or even jail. The law would make it an offence for the town's 28,000 citizens to not look after their health properly.

He took the death tax to a WHOLE new level.

Story: Ananova. (Thanks to the Daily Dish for the link)
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Funniest Product Ever Made, Part 2

2008-03-29T14:23:00.003-04:00

Here's another for you. I'm so glad they've FINALLY invented this! You have no idea how many times I'm out walking around bodies of water and instantly get the urge to go fishing. What's the problem? I'll tell you what the problem is, I didn't even THINK of packing my fishing pole.

Problem solved.

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Funniest Product Ever Made

2008-03-29T14:18:00.003-04:00

1) The theme song is phenomenal.

2) If I saw anyone with one of these chairs in their office at work I'd most likely punch them in their facial region.

Enjoy! And then please purchase one of these and send me the video.

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Skiing Requires Good Friends and the Alcohol That They Consume

2008-03-27T01:37:00.003-04:00

Yes, some people get married and when they do are allowed a short vacation to get the last remaining urges to party out of their system. For they will soon become MARRIED MAN.

The good news is that I got to play the part of the co-best man and not that of MARRIED MAN. Not yet.

The players: Rob Jackson (1018 Productions business partner and MARRIED MAN), Jason Hepler (Whittaker Bay writer/good friend of Philelkins.com), and Rob's brother Simon (D.C. resident and overall good dude.) Now go skiing everyone.

It turns out West Virginia is good for skiing. And that's it. I guess their basketball team is on a great run though. So, ok two things.

Snowshoe Mountain. Good times. My adventures included trying out a slope that I shouldn't have tried, and the subsequent slide down the mountain head first on my back out of control. Surprisingly all four members of the weekend returned to their respective homes with no injuries. Well, minor bruising.

More to come, including a trip to see the world's smallest police station and the world's biggest pencil. Really? Yep.
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Humans Have Been Around for Awhile

2008-03-26T19:25:00.003-04:00

Sorry creationists, but it looks like the Bible can't possibly match it's historical time frame with that of actual scientific evidence recently unearthed:

The researchers said the fossil found last year at Atapuerca in northern Spain, along with stone tools and animal bones, is up to 1.3 million years old. That would be 500,000 years older than remains from a 1997 find that prompted the naming of a new species: Homo antecessor, or Pioneer Man, possibly a common ancestor to Neanderthals and modern humans.

It's a big find and continues to add fuel to the fire concerning our "debate" over evolution.
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Video Evidence that Gus Johnson is Crazy

2008-03-26T15:57:00.003-04:00

Thanks to my brother Nick for the link. It's everyone's favorite mild-mannered CBS broadcaster Gus Johnson in action!

Gus Johnson - making even the most trivial game seem like a miracle from God.

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Gus Johnson is Crazy

2008-03-26T13:29:00.003-04:00

For all the basketball fans out there who've experienced the sheer madness and enthusiasm that is Gus Johnson's CBS TV play by play: Apparently protective measures will have to be taken for an upcoming broadcast. From CNN/SI's "The Sports Hernia":

CBS not taking any chances with Gus for Davidson game

Fearing a spastic explosion from announcer Gus Johnson, CBS executives have gone ahead and made arrangements for the frisky broadcaster to be physically restrained during Friday night's highly anticipated Davidson-Wisconsin game.

Yeti-strength tranquilizers are also said to be on the menu in the event that Davidson guard Stephen Curry goes off for 35 or if we're treated to a buzzer beater, two things CBS knows certain will hulk up Johnson enough to break the shackles and run around center court like the Tasmanian Devil.

Len Elmore, who teams with Johnson, sounded relieved after hearing of the unorthodox move.

"I love Gus, I really do," said the understated Elmore, "but as soon as I heard we were assigned to the Davidson game, my mind started racing. I thought to myself, this could be the game where Gus truly loses his mind. What do I do to combat him if the excitement finally overtakes his soul? Thankfully, the heady folks at CBS stepped in."

Johnson's most famous explosion occurred in the 2006 NCAA Tournament when UCLA made an improbable comeback against Gonzaga in the final seconds, causing Johnson's head to rotate 720° before detaching itself from his body, hopping the announcers table and landing on coach Ben Howland's left shoulder for an exclusive postgame interview.

Many thanks to Papa Elkins for the link.
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When's My Favorite Show Returning?

2008-03-25T23:31:00.004-04:00

The writer's strike has delayed all of the seasons of good television out there, so if you're concerned about when your favorite program will be back on the airwaves, allow me to provide you with a list:

* March 24: “CSI: Miami,” CBS.
* March 30: “Cold Case,” CBS.
* April 2: “CSI: New York,” “Criminal Minds,” CBS.
* April 3: “My Name Is Earl,” NBC, “CSI,” “Without a Trace,” CBS.
* April 4: “Ghost Whisperer,” “Numbers,” CBS.
* April 7: “Samantha Who?,” ABC.
* April 8: “Boston Legal,” ABC, “NCIS,” CBS.
* April 10: “The Office,” “30 Rock,” “Scrubs,” “ER,” NBC.
* April 11: “Moonlight,” CBS.
* April 13: “Desperate Housewives,” ABC.
* April 14: “Rules of Engagement,” CBS, “One Tree Hill,” CW, “Bones,” Fox.
* April 15: “Law & Order: SVU,” NBC.
* April 16: “Til Death” and “Back to You,” Fox.
* April 17: “Smallville,” CW.
* April 20: “Brothers and Sisters,” ABC.
* April 21: “Gossip Girl,” CW.
* April 22: “Reaper,” CW.
* April 23: “Law & Order,” NBC, “The Game,” CW
* April 24: “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Ugly Betty,” ABC, “Supernatural,” CW.
* April 28: “House,” Fox.

Thanks to Maureen Ryan of the Chicago Trubune.

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Obama is Related to Brad Pitt, and Hillary is Related to Angelina Jolie

2008-03-25T23:00:00.005-04:00

If only I had made that title up. But no, it turns out that you can have tons of fun researching the geneology of Presidential candidates!

The AP is reporting tonight that researchers from the New England Historic Genealogical Society have worked for three years to study the family tree's of all three Presidential Candidates, and it turns out: Obama is a distant cousin of Brad Pitt, and Hillary Clinton is a distant relative of Angelina Jolie.

But there's more!

Clinton, who is of French-Canadian descent on her mother's side, is also a distant cousin of singers Madonna, Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette. Obama, the son of a white woman from Kansas and a black man from Kenya, can call six U.S. presidents, including George W. Bush, his cousins. McCain is a sixth cousin of first lady Laura Bush.

Obama has a prolific presidential lineage that features Democrats and Republicans. His distant cousins include President George W. Bush and his father, George H.W. Bush, Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry S. Truman and James Madison. Other Obama cousins include Vice President Dick Cheney, British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill and Civil War General Robert E. Lee.

What a perfect story. I have nothing more to add. (Full Story on MSNBC.com)

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Sometimes When You're Dead, You're Not Dead

2008-03-24T12:04:00.002-04:00

This story is pretty amazing. That guy over there, Zack Dunlap, fell head first out of his ATV and onto the asphalt of a big highway. Doctors pronounced him brain-dead and while they began removing his feeding tubes and preparing to remove his organs for donation...he started flinching and moving.

He was alive. As sophisticated and wise as our medical professionals are today, there's still some of those times when the human body performs in an unexplainable way, and defies logic.

Interesting story, take a read: "Pronounced dead, man makes miraculous return" (MSNBC.com).

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Coming Up: Phil's Great Ski Adventure

2008-03-24T01:59:00.004-04:00

Stay tuned for some pictures and words about my kick-ass bachelor party ski weekend on Snowshoe Mountain in West Virginia.

There's thrills, spills, drinks, and...something else that rhymes with "ills." You won't want to miss.

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My Final 4 Is...Destroyed

2008-03-24T01:45:00.003-04:00

As is usually the case at around this time, my NCAA bracket is decimated. I earlier reported my picks for the final four as:

Duke, Georgetown, Pittsburgh, and North Carolina.

And now after two rounds of play in the greatest sports tournament known to man, three of those four teams have been eliminated. Great.

However, Southern Conference champion Davidson has emerged as the perennial fan favorite. I attended the Southern Conference Tournament championship game a couple weeks ago in Charleston to root on my Elon team but after getting back to sports reality and seeing my guys fall to Davidson, I've thrown all of my remaining support towards the school from Charlotte.

Stephon Curry is better than average.

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My Final 4 Is...

2008-03-18T22:15:00.001-04:00

Duke, UNC, Pittsburgh, and Georgetown. What's yours?

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Why Not Obama?

2008-03-18T21:14:00.002-04:00

I don't mean to be overly political, or to broadcast my personal political views as superior than someone else's. But if you watched Obama's speech on race today I think you witnessed one of the better commentaries on race and our country today.

He tackled head on the criticisms of his former pastor, but more importantly race in general. I have several close friends and family members who refuse to vote for Barack Obama, but as for me, I'm proud to call this man my candidate for president. If you have a few minutes take a listen to this strong speech:

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Jewno

2008-03-17T23:54:00.004-04:00

What if the movie Juno was centered around a Jewish community? My people whipped up a little trailer to show you:

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The Michael Showalter Showalter with Jack McBrayer

2008-03-17T01:41:00.002-04:00

Everyone's favorite fake talk show host Mr. Michael Showalter interviews everyone's favorite goofy 30 rock star Jack McBrayer, aka "Kenneth."

Tina Fey couldn't make it.

"You're not very good at your job."

Here's the video.

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Woman Stuck on Toilet for 2 Years

2008-03-17T01:33:00.002-04:00

I dare say this story doesn't need too much of an intro. The title says it all. A woman voluntarily stayed on her boyfriend's toilet for two years. The lucky guy fed her every day but decided not to call the police about his girlfriend until two years later.

Authorities eventually arrived and had to saw off the toilet seat from the woman's body. This happened a few days ago but I wasn't quite sure what to think about it.

Mentally, the woman sounds perfectly normal.

The story (MSNBC).
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DMB in Charleston on 4th of July

2008-03-15T02:01:00.003-04:00

Mr. Matthews and his band will be performing live just down the road from me in downtown Charleston on the 4th of July this year, and we should all be luckier for it! Traditionally fans of the band down here have had to travel 3 or 4 hours up the road either to Charlotte or Raleigh to see the show.

This summer tour that was recently announced features shows and venues that Dave hasn't visited in years, and I couldn't be happier to hear it. I haven't seen DMB in a few years and it's long overdue.

Some of my most favorite concert experiences have come from summertime Dave Matthews shows. Sure, they've become more popular over the years and small bar performances have been replaced by huge stadium shows. And there's always the complaint that "every Dave Matthews song sounds the same."

But studies have shown that you're just WRONG. Complicated scientific studies. I don't have the sources or links but I think they were studies funded by the government.

At any rate, go embrace your love for the band. If you attend one of their summer stops you'll be the first to hear brand new material from a just completed studio album (first since "Stand Up" in 2005).

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And Speaking of YouTube...

2008-03-15T01:42:00.003-04:00

Remember hearing all of those annoying stories of Fox TV and NBC and everyone else suing YouTube for putting copyrighted videos online for free? Well say hello to Hulu (www.hulu.com)

Finally a place you can legally enjoy all of your favorite clips from TV and the big screen. And to celebrate, I give you a Saturday Night Live clip from a couple years ago. It features my future fiance, Miss Natalie Portman. Add longer hair and we'd be married:

Natalie's a badass!

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